Miscommunication
How to turn miscommunication in to master connection
Miscommunication is inevitable in every relationship — including healthy ones.
And it’s going to happen more with the people you spend the most time with simply because there are more opportunities for wires to get crossed! And in the EQ of wealth world, we’re going to be having lots of what I call “clarity conversations” with those close to us to help move us all towards impact. As much opportunity as there is for greatness, there can be opportunity for crossed wires and disconnection. But we can handle it.
Knowing how to handle miscommunication is actually a sub-category of handling conflict, which is once again, inevitable in all relationships. It’s really all about learning what to do with miscommunication that can turn an uncomfortable situation into a powerful opportunity. Miscommunication can be a gift. Let’s open it.
How to smoothly uncross wires and turn miscommunication into the gift connection!
1) Take a break or go on a walk before responding
Chances are your body is in stress response — this means you’re far more likely to take a conflict and escalate. And de-escalation is key here. Taking a break or going for a walk regulates your nervous system and calms you down, so that when you’re replying to whatever email, text, etc you’re responding and not reacting. Knowing how to handle your nervous system is a core part of the EQ of Wealth and a key to impact.
2) Give someone the benefit of the doubt
This is really an advanced practice — an integral part, according to The Gottman Institute, of what makes relationships last. When something goes awry in great relationships, we give people the benefit of the doubt… and in challenging relationships, we don’t. We jump to conclusions, get defensive, start attacking the other person, etc.
To tap into that benefit of the doubt spirit, start with humility. Unless you are an actual mindreader (and if that’s the case, go monetize that skill big time and create impact!), you are probably wrong about the situation. I know I’m wrong 99% of the time, and I study this stuff!
Side note: The only time where you need to be really mindful about forming conclusions is if the miscommunication is a repeating pattern, and it’s very clear you’re dealing with a toxic person. Then it’s really then up to you about whether or not, it’s nourishing to you to have this person in your life. This category of relationship is a whole different blog post that I’ll have to write next year.
3) Connect over the phone or in-person
Emails, text messages, social media messages, voice memos, etc., are either one-way conversations or primed for misunderstanding. The only way I’ve seen to effectively resolve a miscommunication is by a phone call, video chat, or in-person. The more human, the better.
4) Be speedy
The faster you can have the conversation and clean up the situation, the smaller the issue gets and the better your relationship. By waiting or delaying a conversation, our minds can get the best of us and escalate the situation by merely being chatty and making assumptions. This will cause unnecessary suffering and anxiety for you.
5) Lead with gratitude
No matter what, if I’m having a “clarity conversation,” I ask how the person is doing today (you literally never know — grace is given when we actually know what someone’s going through) and thank them for showing up because the truth is, they don’t have to. Also, gratitude is a sure-fire way to calm the nervous system (see point #1) :), and with calm nerves, we get more goodness.
Give these things a try this holiday season when those brows start to furrow, ok? Using these 5 strategies will really be a gift - to yourself, to your loved ones and to the world! Let me know how it goes.
May you connect, be merry and bright.
