When Greatness Gets Scary
It’s called upper limiting. Here’s what you can do to overcome it.
How upper limiting is something you need to look out for.
Great things should make us feel great — right?? Nope. It’s actually the opposite. When you’re on the journey of stepping into your full potential, the best things bring out our biggest fears.
Gay Hendricks, the author of The Big Leap (a favorite on the EQ of Wealth reading list) calls this process “upper limiting” — when our comfort level of allowing great things to happen just isn’t very comfortable.
Upper limiting is our bodies and personal reaction to “this is too good to be true.” If we truly believe that something (a la great relationships, job opportunities, windfalls, etc.) is too good to be true, we subconsciously bring our life down by self-sabotaging really good things.
There’s a way to stop the self sabotage of upper limiting and create your legacy.
1) Get curious: The question to ask yourself when presented with something great is, “Does this bring up all my fears because it’s wrong for me or actually because it’s so right?” Just close your eyes, get quiet, ask yourself the question, and listen to the answer. Your body always knows.
2) Practice receiving in the small moments: We upper limit when we’re literally not used to allowing great things happen to us! If someone holds the door, say thank you. If you receive a compliment, actually accept it. If you get offered the invitation to something fun, say yes.
3) Learn how to shift your nervous system: The core to all relationships, health, and anything I teach is how to shift your body from stress response to rest and digest. I’ve written about it and I’ve also lived it. Whether it’s learning how to meditate, physically exercising, or practicing breathing techniques, it’s unbelievable what old patterns shed and positive outcomes are achieved when you’re body is in a state of rest.
If you think this upper limiting thing is just something that happens to other folks, here’s what this looks like in real life. It might look familiar.
1) Sickness: You get invited to lead your family’s annual meeting, but you get horribly sick the day before, so you have to cancel. Your dad goes back to leading it, and you miss out on the opportunity. You feel relieved, but also a bit guilty.
2) Fighting: You finally repair your relationship with your sister after a year of not talking, and while you’re out to dinner, you pick a fight and cause a major argument. You’re back to feeling that things never change.
3) Rejection: You are asked to present a keynote by your bank to fellow clients about the innovative work of your family foundation, but you say no because the fear of what could go wrong feels too paralyzing. You feel safer, but also a bit smaller.
Do you see yourself in this? I certainly do. I’ve done all three of the above — many, many times.
I used to think that because I felt afraid or scared of INSERT GREAT THING (relationship, career opportunity, kind gesture, etc.) that the great thing that was offered to me was wrong.
In fact, all those feels coming up is actually a sign that the great but scary thing is right. Now everytime I feel that fear, I use those tactics I shared to move my limit up…up and into infinity. When I do that, huge things happen. And they can for you. Just try it!
You are meant for HUGE things.
