Learnings at 40
My Top 10 EQ Learnings
I think every birthday is a gift, but I’m especially excited for my upcoming 40th birthday
I’m calling it my matriarch/queen decade because I feel younger and more powerful today than I did at 20 or definitely 30. I was very fortunate in that my 20s were about having fun and going on adventures, which made my 30s focused on difficult lessons and inner work, but where those headwinds and hurdles left me was smack dab in the middle of livingmy purpose in impact … my “legacy magic” — the EQ of Wealth.
Far be it from me to keep the wisdom from my reflection from you! Here are my top 10 EQ learnings after having the gift of being alive for four very full decades.
1) It’s humility or bitterness
No matter who you are, what you have, or where you come from, life will blindside and challenge you. Whether it’s heartbreak, health, grief, or loss, we’re all bound to go through moments or even long chapters where things crumble and we’re brought to our knees. The founder of Katonah Yoga and hugely influential force in the EQ of Wealth, Nevine Michaan, says that the greatest defeat in life is bitterness.
You have two options — learn from the hard lessons and develop a stronger sense of empathy and resilience, core components of humility, or become bitter, which calcifies anger, frustration, and resentment.
2) Be light to stay young
Youthfulness is light. A light you shine, and also literally moving through the world with lightness. You can look at babies and children to see their literal bounciness! This physical shift is an opportunity for us right now, whatever age we are. Lightness is also why people who are one hundred can seem so young because they radiate light. Radiance is the ultimate beauty standard and can only be achieved from within.
Coming back to point #1, if we’re lucky to be alive long enough, we will experience suffering and hardship of varying degrees. We all have baggage. It’s just about what baggage you want to carry around.
Do you want to have a life of carry-on or checked baggage? One is much “lighter” than the other. :)
3) It’s always an inner game first
If you want to improve the experience of your life on the outside, you have to start developing a positive inner life on the inside. This could be:
Cultivating a deeper sense of self-love in order to attract more compassionate romantic partners
Developing self-belief so every time you enter a business or board meeting, you’re grounded and confident
Feeling safe in your own body to limit anxiety and behaviors that would hurt yourself and others.
4) The simple is the most advanced
Be kind, love each other, and love yourself. These are very simple words but very advanced practices in life.
The same is true for simple messaging, which is essential for raising money — the simple is repeatable, and therefore, shareable and scalable.
5) Your body is your instrument
Certain lessons took me MUCH longer to learn (value of money, self-worth, confidence, etc.), but the commitment to taking care of my body is one that I learned super young and it’s one that has served me exceptionally well. Growing up as a dancer and then attending school for acting, I didn't have career prospects if my body wasn’t in tip-top shape, so I learned to take care of it with daily exercise, eating nourishing foods, and listening to it when it’s feeling sick.
To the INCREDIBLE surprise of my 18 year old past self, because of this reverence to my body, I’m actually in better shape physically (and definitely mentally) today than I was 22 years ago.
6) prioritIZE Laughter
The average 4-years-old laughs 300 times per day, but that will take 2+ months for the average 40-years old person (hello me!) to reach the same goal, according to Stanford professor Jennifer Aaker. There are few things better for our nervous system, well-being and relationships than laughter – make humor a priority.
7) Dreams and desires stick
Anything that’s “true for you” or a dream that’s completely aligned with your heart’s desire, sticks around. Pay attention to it, follow it, and if you can take action. I said this in a previous blog post and I think it’s worth repeating:
8) The small stuff is the big stuff
Everything in life compounds — not just money. The smallest actions we take become the lives we’ll be living. And it’s very true in the science of relationships according to the Gottman Institute: if you want to have wonderful relationships, prioritize being kind and showing up when no one’s looking.
9) Show up
If you’re the person who shows up, you’ll be trusted. It’s unbelievable how many people don’t. It’s incredible what can happen when you’re one of the few who do.
10) Relationships, relationships, relationships
When I first learned about the findings from the longest-running study on what makes a good life from Harvard was all about positive relationships, I kinda rolled my eyes. This was partially because building meaningful relationships is my superpower, so I didn’t think that could be true.
Four decades into my “one wild and precious life,” I know it is.
I can’t wait to blow out my candles and make a wish.
Some things never change — super grateful for every day, every year, and especially every decade.
